Carousel
by ABrokenWhisper
Summary: Fly with me under the wings I gave you. Try to be closer to me... and I'll save you. But Dean Winchester never came and saved little broken Abby. And they both can't face themselves... One-Shot, Bela/Dean.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.

**Storyline:** "Fly with me under the wings I gave you. Try to be closer to me... and I'll save you." But Dean Winchester never came and saved little broken Abby. One-Shot, Bela/Dean.

**Author's Note:** Well, it's just my first Dean/Bela one-shot. Maybe my first one-shot ever, I guess. It's not that good, but, it's just the first. :) So, please R&R, and maybe I'll write more soon! :D

**Song used:** Carousel - Linkin Park

* * *

_***Carousel***_

A dark, bittersweet melody sprung quietly in the air, together with the scent of spreading death. The scenery was cold, dark, haunted. Hopeless, above all. Like it always was around her. There was no time, no space. Only an endless void. Nothingness. _Emptiness_.

She has chosen darkness from cold, and yet, her numb body is embraced by both. She needed to release her anguished screams… Instead, she gave in to the deafening, maddening silence, and found no meaning in struggling against her bitter fate. She holds her memory close at hand, trying to understand all those years. Nonetheless, she ceases to justify her choices, her wishes. No human being was capable of seeing the _liar_ that burned within her needing. She has built a mask of steel and learned to bury all her true emotions deep inside, only showing an icy cold stare. No soul walking in this world would ever be able to comprehend the nature of her rage, and the meaning of her sorrow…

"_You wouldn't understand… No one did." _

She has chased what should not be chased, wanted what should not be wanted, found what should never be found, in search of something that could fill the emptiness she felt – something like money, power, glory. But she only truly desired what she could not truly possess. No objects she could find or steal, not even all the money in the whole world could be valuable enough to really satisfy her hidden needs. There was nothing in the whole world that could erase her dark memories, that haunted her every second. People used to say she had no feelings, no conscience, no heart. Oh, she just wished that was _true_ – all she wanted was not to _feel _at all…

_She can't hide, no matter how hard she tries,  
Her secret disguised behind the lies.  
And, at night, she cries away her pride,  
With eyes shut tight, staring at her inside…_

She has learned to bury all her secrets deep inside, not daring to open up her heart and let her lies be washed away by her burning tears. During the day, she would show her independence, her strength, her power, with determination in her eyes and her chin up. At night, she would lose control, finding no strength left to _hide_ the truth anymore.

_No one knows why she can't sleep at night,  
And no one cares and asks if she's alright.  
All she wants to do is get rid of this hell.  
Well, all she's got to do is stop kidding herself._

She believed she could truly forget with the years… But those memories of her dark past never left her thoughts. No one ever cared enough to even know the truth about her, about her behavior. Some said she was just all messed up; others said that, no matter how beautiful she was physically, on the inside, she was the _ugliest_ thing they had ever seen. She would always show them their best smile – bright and mocking, like she was better than anyone or anything else. But she knew she wasn't, even if she wanted to believe she really was. Maybe, all she really needed, was someone that could understand her… Someone who really _cared_.

All those years ago, watching those glimmering ruby eyes, she couldn't help but wonder if it was all that _simple_. If it all could go away, if she said something as simple as an _yes_ to the little girl sitting at the swing next to hers, staring at her, waiting patiently for an answer. Maybe it was an angel – her guardian angel, – an answer to all her prayers. Wishing for that endless nightmare to finally stop, the little girl with sad emerald eyes named _Abby_ accepted the offer. And the nightmare was replaced by another one – either way, she would always end up in _hell_…

_She can only fool herself for so long…_

"_I'm too weak to face me."_ She kept whispering, looking at her reflection in the mirror and seeing a stranger. Nonetheless, she could still see his sparkling, green eyes in hers, so vital, so alive. She was too weak to let go… To let go of the thought that maybe, just maybe, _he_ could be her savior… But the disgust and the hatred burning in his gaze told her the opposite. He would never, ever save her. He wouldn't even try… And she just wanted for him to come and make her open up; make her tell all the truth. She wanted him to understand, even though she just kept acting like there was nothing inside. She wished she could go back and tell him the truth in the beginning, but the determined stranger that now called herself _Bela Talbot_ was stronger than broken _Abby_, and didn't allow herself to show her vulnerability. Didn't want him to look down at her and make fun of all her pain and sorrow. Didn't want him to look at her like she was a _monster_, like he always did. Just wanted him to know she was not what he thought she was. There was so much more _inside_… And she just needed for him to give her a second chance. But, now, she was being condenmed to relive all her worst nightmares for all eternity – with only _hellfire _lighting up the darkness...

_I never know just why you run so far away, far away from me…_

He never thought of the consequences, until he started to feel his inner clock ticking – every second that passed meant that his _fate_ was closer and closer. All he could see in the beginning was the need, the duty to save his little brother, all that was left of their family, like he had always promised he would do to his father. Always wanted to protect him, to be sure he was always safe and nothing could hurt him. What he didn't think of, was that he was going to die soon… And his little brother would be all _alone_ in that cruel, dark world.

He tried to believe that Sam would be just fine without him around. He was strong enough to move on, to keep saving the world without having him on his back 24/7. All he thought of was bringing his little brother back – and he would sell his soul _again_ in a blink of an eye, if that was the price he had to pay…

_When it comes to how to live his life, he can't be told.  
Says he's got it all under control.  
Thinks he knows it's not a problem he's stuck with,  
But, in reality, it'd be a problem to just quit._

He lived the year they had given him like time didn't matter; like it wasn't his _life _he was going to lose. Like some kind of miracle was supposed to happen in the end. Always ignoring his brother's warnings, when he told him they had to find a way out of his deal. He never believed in such things as angels, or God, but, deep inside, he wished they really existed, so they could save him. Or, at least, they could watch his brother's back, once he was gone. But he knew they would never do it… He knew, from his experience, that good things _never_ happen. No matter what people told him, he truly thought there was a way out. He had been able to get out of tough situations all his life, and, this time, it could not be an exception. There is _always_ a way out – it just depends on how persistent you are to find it.

_An addict, and he can't hold the reins.  
The pain is worse 'cause his friends have it the same.  
Tries to slow down the problem he's got,  
But can't get off the carousel until he makes it stop…_

Even though he acted like he didn't care, like his clock wasn't ticking all the time – like he wasn't afraid, – deep inside, he was _terrified_. Terrified of knowing when and how he was going to die, and where he was going to spend all eternity. He kept trying to slow time down, tried to win back some hours so he could figure out a way to stop the fact that he was _dying_, tried to get off the _carousel _he was in. He felt dizzy, scared, sick – he couldn't even imagine the pain, the horror in the place everyone feared, and the pain he felt only grew stronger when he heard his brother's words, telling him he was selfish, for not letting him go… And for _damning _himself.

_He can only fool himself for so long…  
_

"_I'm too weak to face me."_He kept whispering, looking at his reflection in the mirror, and seeing a stranger instead. His smile hadn't seen the light of day, the sparkles in his eyes were slowly fading away, along with his hope. He softly touched the cold surface of the mirror, and instantly felt something different – a sparkle, a ray of light. And he instintively remembered _her_; all he wanted was to have someone that truly _cared_ – not just his brother – but someone who wasn't his blood, his family. Someone who could understand all his pain, all his need to hide his true emotions behind a mask of steel and some ironic jokes. Someone who could make him feel like he didn't have to be another person anymore. Just himself. Just _Dean Winchester_. Not a hero, not a savior. Just a human being, with feelings and emotions, someone who can feel fear, pain… and love. He even thought that maybe she wasn't like he believed she was – there was something, something hidden in her eyes, hurting, burning, _killing_. She reminded him of himself, with that urge to hide her true feelings and only show a cold, deadly side of her. But there was no time. There was only a sea of wasted time and opportunities left behind… And there was no going back. Just a _dead end_…

_Fly with me under the wings I gave you,  
Try to be closer to me… and I'll save you._

Six feet under water, six feet underground, she looks up, and all she is able to see is the so _familiar_ hellfire all around her, burning her soul and turning it into ice. The pain she is still able to feel is yet more unbearable than she ever _feared_ it would be. Eternal damnation, eternal pain, in a place where moving, breathing or even thinking brought unbearable torture. Maybe they could have _saved eachother_ from eternal damnation. Maybe, if they had stuck together from the beginning, if they ceased their lies and their denial, if they saw how much they had in common… If they had understood that their broken hearts could _mend together_…

So many time passed by, and she still finds herself wishing that _he_, the most improbable person to care about her, could come, and _save_ her from herself…

_She could hear the bitter laughter coming from what once was her father, full of maliciousness and torment, echoing through the void, ridicularizing her hopes and shattering them into a million pieces._

"_He will never come. He will never save you."_

_Broken Abby watched with horror the malevolence and terror that her father's figure always brought her, and screamed for the one that had stolen her heart without permission. Needed to see his face once again. Wanted him to save her from another nightmare of hers._

_He never did._


End file.
